Justin Bieber

The new Justin Bieber movie, Never say Never, came out today. A bunch of teenage girls came to see it, and while they waited for the movie to start, they sang. Loudly. They also spilled popcorn everywhere. One girl had a Justin Bieber-seizure and popcorn spilled all over the floor. I had to clean it up, and I blame Biebers. If I ever see Justin Bieber, I'm going break his legs and use his hair as a mop to clean up puddle of puke. My puke. The puke of hatred and revenge. Justin Bieber owes me seven hours of my life back. I had to serve screaming fan-girls popcorn for seven hours. Who makes a biography-movie about Justin Bieber, anyway? That's like if I made a documentary about the mating patterns of Elephant Seals, but instead I made a movie about buckets filled with pancake-wearing bald men. I would call it...Elmer's House of Pancakes.