The magic of camel fur

I was at the theatre the other day, making sure the place was running smoothly. I run that place. I talk to my compadre, Caleb, and I notice these two ladies standing in the parking lot. Caleb tells me they've been standing there for 30 minutes. I said " I know what they're here for, let me give 'em what they want." I rip off my shirt and stand in plain view, exposing my manly chest to the onlookers. They immediately sprint up to the box office to gaze at my man-bosom. I then buttoned my shirt back up and they begin to beg me to do it again. Feeling that they wouldn't be able to handle that much sexiness, I refused. They walked away disappointed, sorry ladies.  

Alabama's most powerful senator, me

I didn't work last weekend. Why? Because I was too busy layin' down the law of Alabama. Some skater punks think they can run around in the streets, skating wherever they want? I don't think so, pistol-slap them in their skinny, white faces. Don't have enough money to fund your network of secret bunkers? Sell NASA. That's the kind of work I do when not selling buckets. While I was in Montgomery, I talked to Governor Bentley. I told him about the most important part our economy. The Bucket. I told him about The Bucket. We discussed the issue of Alabama not sellin' enough Buckets. So we came to an awesome conclusion. We decided to make not selling buckets ILLEGAL. Everyone, everywhere is now required to sell Buckets so that everyone knows about the awesome tastiness of deal-licious Buckets.